Philanthropy is a Two-Way Street
I’ve had a lot of opportunities to think about philanthropy in my career. I’ve run a massive human services organization, a foundation, and a research center focused on nonprofits. Now, I tell stories for a living.Through that range of experiences I’ve learned a particular, important truth. The most precious form of giving is of oneself.
Philanthropy is “an act or gift done or made for humanitarian purposes” (Merriam Webster). In common practice, we focus on the “gift” part, and more specifically on money. And we don’t tend to think in terms of “humanitarian purposes.” We think in terms of charity. The problem with that approach is it privileges the resource — the money, and by association, the one who has the money. And the idea of “charity” inherently belittles the person or organization that receives the gift. There’s a power imbalance there that fails to recognize any kind of two way street.
That framing reduces something beautiful to a transaction. You need, and I give. You don’t have, and I do. And the only item that has value is money, or the goods money can buy. There are a couple of problems with that perspective. First, money can be cheap. Think about the scarce resources in your life. If money is one of them, then giving it is precious, for sure. But if we’re giving out of our surplus, then chances are, there are other resources that are more valuable to us. Our time. Our attention. Our experience. Our love.
Second, it denies the possibility of reciprocity – that there’s a benefit to the giver. And that the person or organization receiving the gift is also providing something precious. Maybe that’s meaning. Maybe it’s the ability to affect a problem you care about. Or maybe it’s the way you can be changed by encountering others – people experiencing the challenge you’re seeking to address.
That ability to be transformed by an encounter is the part I really want to focus on here. And it’s where the storytelling comes into play.
How many nonprofit events have you been to, or appeal or thank you letters have you received, where someone tells their story? You’ve given to an anti-hunger agency and you learn about the person who needed food. You support addiction services and you learn about the person struggling with substance use disorder and their odyssey toward recovery. I would posit that those stories are the truest acts of philanthropy. They are precious, priceless, really, and when someone shares their story, it’s something done with humanitarian purposes.
Think about the most challenging experiences you’ve had in your life. The times you were low, or hurting, or needed help. Think about when you’ve felt vulnerable, Now think about being asked to tell that story to a stranger, or a group of strangers. People who agree to tell their stories do just that. They put the most intimate of their experiences out there, in order to make sure the organization that supported them can support others.
When people tell their stories, they are also giving an experience to us. A chance to learn and be transformed by someone else’s journey and truth. It’s hard to imagine something that costs more to give, or is more valuable to receive. It is the heart of what’s humanitarian.
None of this means we shouldn’t give money. Organizations still have to operate. They have goods, services and support to provide, and they can’t do it without money. But I believe we’d all be better for recognizing that if we’re really committed to philanthropy, then we have to be committed to recognizing these other kinds of philanthropic acts. We are the beneficiaries, given the chance to learn, understand and be transformed by someone else’s lived experiences. And if we’re really committed to humanitarianism, then we must both be prepared to share more than our dollars, and — even more importantly — we must open ourselves to being transformed by those acts of philanthropy in return.
I’ve learned that our hearts are changed by encountering others and their journeys. That requires recognizing we have so much to learn. That we’re not superior, ever. And that others have just as much philanthropic power, just as much ability to change the world, with what they offer by who they are and how they’ve lived.
Sharing one’s story is giving of oneself. Being open to learning, receiving love, and being improved, or even healed, by that gift, is giving of oneself as well. At the end of the day, that’s love. And it’s the one thing that truly does change the world.
Tiziana Dearing
About the Author: Tiziana Dearing is a seasoned public radio host and journalist with a diverse background in academia, nonprofits, and management consulting. She has taught at Boston College’s School of Social Work and chaired its Social Innovation and Leadership program.
A champion for social change, Tiziana is the founding CEO of a startup to combat poverty in Boston and became the first female president of Catholic Charities for the Archdiocese of Boston. She also directed a research center at Harvard Kennedy School.
Passionate about sharing her expertise, Tiziana serves as an advisor to The Legacy Dialogues, continuing to impact her community through her insights and leadership.
