Can Our Dissatisfaction Drive Us Toward Living Our Legacy?

Truth: Your legacy is not just something you LEAVE; it’s something you LIVE.

Truth: Living your legacy is acting in alignment with YOUR values. 

If you follow The Legacy Dialogues, you’re familiar with their mission to shift the perception of legacy from something we leave behind to something we live. This present-oriented framework connects our daily choices – big and small – to the imprint we leave on this world. 

If you follow me, you’re familiar with my position on choice, as a critical expression of self and how we lead – lead at work, lead at home, lead in our communities. Having and making choices gives us purpose, so everyone needs and deserves choice. When you take away someone’s choice, they will likely feel unfulfilled, frustrated, disappointed, and more. 

As it turns out, we also feel unfulfilled, frustrated, disappointed, and more when our choices are misaligned with our values. Carefully scratch the surface of dissatisfaction, and I’m certain you will find dissonance between your actions and your beliefs.

If living our legacy is making choices that align with our values, it serves us to acknowledge the negative reality that we often make choices that are misaligned with our values. We deviate from values-based decisions when the alternatives are more efficient, safer, simpler, immediately gratifying, or socially expected or acceptable. Maybe sometimes we’re not clear on our values in the first place. 

Common Examples of Value-Action Misalignment:

• “I value financial security. I yield to social pressures to live lavishly.”
• “I value honesty. I am not direct with my family about my boundaries.”
• “I value my family. I often work during family time.”

Whatever the reason, there is power in noticing our dissatisfaction. Living our legacy, in fact, can begin with investigating dissatisfaction in relationships, roles, and responsibilities.

If you’re new to exploring dissatisfaction and dissonance, be gentle with what you find. This is not an exercise in blaming or worrying or rewriting your story in a fell swoop. The University of Michigan for many years ran a “Tiny Shifts” campaign to signal that our healthiest and most sustainable moves happen in tiny increments. Think tiny shifts here. 

It can even be effective to reflect on individual areas of your life one at a time. By many accounts, there are at least eight areas – financial, vocational, social, emotional, environmental, spiritual, academic, and physical – to consider. With this list, you’ve got a template to take inventory across each domain.

Starting with one domain, pinpoint 1-2 areas of satisfaction. This is your plus , and I recommend always start with what’s going well. You can talk, type, write, or draw out your inventory. Where you feel stuck, consider working with a trusted friend, family member, mentor, or neighbor. In the same domain, now identify 1-2 parts you’d like to be different. This is your delta (D). If you can, give context around your delta by connecting it to a value.

Example Inventory for Environmental Satisfaction:

• PLUS: “My home is a clean, relaxing, and safe place to be.”
• DELTA: “I’d like to spend more time outdoors.”
• VALUE: Nature: “I value experiencing the natural world but spend little time there.”

Awareness of our relational and experiential satisfaction and dissatisfaction is a critical component of living our legacy. This inventory is one of many tools you can use to scan for dissonance between your values and your daily choices. If you like it, you might want to plan to scan regularly. 

I take this inventory at least once a year. Maybe there’s something you do at least once a year – changing the oil in your vehicle, your birthday, going to the dentist, filing taxes – that reminds you to check in. Taking regular inventory grows your practice and comfort with being real and moving closer to living your legacy. 

So, how closely are you living your legacy?

With gratitude,

Courtney Joly-Lowdermilk

Author: Courtney Joly-Lowdermilk, M.S.Ed , is an enthusiastic and engaged Cape Ann resident of almost 20 years, cultivating community as an educator, parent, business owner, and citizen. She is an advisor to The Legacy Dialogues published author, advocate, and leader in the fields of special education, disability/accessibility, and mental health education. She is also the CEO of a consulting firm, REACH Leadership at Bridge Educational Engineering, partnering with local schools and organizations to advance equity through leadership development. Contact Courtney Courtney@BridgeEDengineering.com with questions, comments, or to inquire about leadership coaching.